From: Jeff Wilson
Subject: Press Release
The following information was released this morning, April 1, at 9:00 a.m. PDT:
April 1, 1992
For Immediate Release
Contact: Annie Body
415/332-2344, extension 4400
Ms. Bea Esser, spokeswoman for the company, stated, ``The first milestone of the project was reached last week when, in a single 14 hour session, one of our developers was able to construct a cube''. The developer, currently recuperating in a local Napa hospital, was unavailable for comment. She went on to say, ``The project is on schedule and we can commit to a firm delivery date of sometime in the mid to late 21st century...maybe''.
``We are working on the few remaining bugs,'' says the chief engineer, Mr. I. Chee-wowa. ``The mental state of the user is key. For example, we have discovered that using the system immediately before lunch usually results in the output of Big Macs, fries, and the like. One user, a newlywed, had to be removed from the system after accidentally manufacturing quite a collection of...well, shall we say, erotic figurines.'' Autodesk feels these shortcomings can be overcome through proper training.
The program also includes a new form of copy protection in which the user is mildly brain-damaged if the software is not properly registered. The project suffered a minor setback when one user was fatally brain-damaged when the program crashed. The company has indicated that they do not consider this a ``stop ship'' bug and will address the problem by including a free life insurance policy with each copy.
``This is a breakthrough product because of the manpower savings it represents in the design and construction trades.'', said Mr. Duit Tuit, vice-president of Marketing for Autodesk. ``With strong sales we feel we can get the unemployment rate up into the 40 to 50 percent range. Homes can be constructed in a matter of hours.'' Mr. Tuit also mentioned that some reconstruction may be necessary in the spring because objects created with the new program tend to dissolve during the rainy season.
No price has been set for the new product, but company officials are vowing to keep it under 7 figures thereby upholding the tradition of providing 80 percent of the functionality for one tenth the price. In keeping with its commitment to its current customers, Autodesk also announced that full upward compatibility with previous versions of AutoCAD will be maintained. The new program will initially ship on Cray supercomputers, but a DOS 286 version is expected in the quarter following its initial release.
Autodesk develops, markets, and supports a family of computer-aided design, engineering and animation software products for April Fools like you.
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Editor: John Walker